There is a common misconception that when planning to divorce that it is a good idea to seek out a mean bulldog of a lawyer and get ready to fight. The truth is that few of us can really afford that kind of divorce, and it may not be in our best interest anyway. Paying two lawyers quickly eats into funds that could have been used for college funds, retirement and down payments on separate homes. It entrenches parties into opposing camps rather than facilitating a working agreement that can ease the transition into a new life.
It is especially important to look at the potential effects of a contested divorce for any children. Less strife in a divorce proceeding can translate into an easier physiological adjustment for kids. In order to come through a divorce with the minimal possible psychological impact children must feel that both parents are devoted to their best interest and understand that the parents are willing to be occasionally uncomfortable when their children’s best interest is a stake. willingness to leave the relationship of spouses behind and commit to a new relationship as parents who each love and want the best for their child may seem awkward at first, but seeing healthy self concept of the children can make this small sacrifice well worth the effort.
But, many argue, “My spouse cheated, and deserves to be punished.” While that is the Hollywood version, as depicted on the big screen, that is not the law in Tennessee or most other states these days. Property division and even child custody are not based on theories of punishment. Rather, the courts are looking at what is fair and equitable to both parties and in the best interest of the children.
Trying to punish your spouse could very well end up punishing you and your children as much or more than it punishes your spouse, and leave you feeling resentful and dwelling in the past rather than looking forward to create the best possible future for yourself and your children. One Hollywood film that did show how damaging prolonging ill will in a divorce was The Squid and The Whale, written and produced by one of the children that lived through the experience.
Uncontested divorces generally contain the basic agreements of the parties, but a lawyer will generally help you to craft an agreement that not only the judge wilL approve, but also an agreement that will be tailored to the specific needs of your family. Working with families to find a way a to go forward in what is often a difficult and stressful times is meaningful for us. We believe that looking to the future and building a new life can be far more beneficial than rehashing the things that went wrong in the past.